Friday, February 25, 2011
One more thing
TGIF
Oh, happiest of Happy Fridays! It's been a hell of a long week and I'm so looking forward to this weekend. Our original plans to leave town and head off to the desert (Palm Springs) have changed due to the weather, but K and I will still make this a great birthday weekend for her! She assures me she wants nothing more than to get take-out and hunker down at home, but I'm hoping I can get her out to do a little shopping. ;)
And on the TTC front...
While I was absolutely sure I would put off taking any form of medication for as long as possible, I have decided to take the plunge and go for it. Not only did most of my family and friends suggest it, but the girls I've come to know and love in my Lesbian TTC Group really encouraged me to do it. Many of them told me they wished they'd done it sooner to save themselves all the heartache, not to mention money spent. Several of them had experience with injections and told me not to worry. If done properly, with the correct monitoring, there shouldn't be any concern that I will be the next Kate Plus 8. Thank Gawd for that.
So last night, I started my first round of Estrace (estrogen) and we have our baseline sonogram for Monday morning. We will get our How-To Injection lesson and will start shooting up after I start my period. If the cyst doesn't grow (please put good thoughts out there that it won't!) we should be able to inseminate sometime mid-March. Believe it or not, I'm actually looking forward to the Two Week Wait! Remind me of that when I'm tearing my hair out later...
And it just wouldn't be ME if I didn't have to make things difficult. We fell in love with a new donor and were fully prepared to go with our new guy. He is a dark-haired soccer star with a voice that melts your heart. He was good, except we really started nit-picking everything. We found things about him that we didn't LOVE. Oh, what to do...
So after some soul-searching (and more Internet searching) we have another donor we're considering. The good news is that we found another couple who are also using Guy #2 and they seem to be pretty fantastic. They live on the east coast, but would be up for keeping in touch if we want. Might be kinda cool to know some half-sibs out there in the future.
The whole process is still really mind-boggling to me. I mean, who gets to "shop" for sperm on their lunch break??? Crazy.
And on the TTC front...
While I was absolutely sure I would put off taking any form of medication for as long as possible, I have decided to take the plunge and go for it. Not only did most of my family and friends suggest it, but the girls I've come to know and love in my Lesbian TTC Group really encouraged me to do it. Many of them told me they wished they'd done it sooner to save themselves all the heartache, not to mention money spent. Several of them had experience with injections and told me not to worry. If done properly, with the correct monitoring, there shouldn't be any concern that I will be the next Kate Plus 8. Thank Gawd for that.
So last night, I started my first round of Estrace (estrogen) and we have our baseline sonogram for Monday morning. We will get our How-To Injection lesson and will start shooting up after I start my period. If the cyst doesn't grow (please put good thoughts out there that it won't!) we should be able to inseminate sometime mid-March. Believe it or not, I'm actually looking forward to the Two Week Wait! Remind me of that when I'm tearing my hair out later...
And it just wouldn't be ME if I didn't have to make things difficult. We fell in love with a new donor and were fully prepared to go with our new guy. He is a dark-haired soccer star with a voice that melts your heart. He was good, except we really started nit-picking everything. We found things about him that we didn't LOVE. Oh, what to do...
So after some soul-searching (and more Internet searching) we have another donor we're considering. The good news is that we found another couple who are also using Guy #2 and they seem to be pretty fantastic. They live on the east coast, but would be up for keeping in touch if we want. Might be kinda cool to know some half-sibs out there in the future.
The whole process is still really mind-boggling to me. I mean, who gets to "shop" for sperm on their lunch break??? Crazy.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Our Dilemma
Yesterday was the first time we have ever made it through an OB appointment without me leaving in tears! I think we're making some progress here, people!
Here's the gist of everything:
My doc says he wants us to try and ignore the cyst for now and start injectionables for this upcoming cycle. If the cyst grows, we can stop and make a different plan. If it doesn't, we can continue on and try to inseminate by Mid-March.
He scheduled me a progesterone blood test for Tuesday to make sure I'm ovulating (just somehow missing it on the OPKs) and then start an intense round of Menopur. The good new is that injectables increase your chances of getting pregnant and you are constantly monitored throughout to make sure everything's going according to plan. The bad news is there is a higher percentage of having multiples! Ack! I can't imagine having twins, much less becoming the next Octomom! No way! The very thought of multiples makes my head spin.
But, I really want to get pregnant and I'd love to do it before I'm forty.
But I hate drugs! I rarely take anything for pain and prefer to tough it out.
But I know someone who got pregnant after injectables and had ONE, perfect baby boy!
But, needles, yeeeesh.
Aw, but twins would be adorable and we could be done making babies.
But TWINS??!! Good gawd I'd rather stick a hot poker in my eye.
Do you see how my mind works???
So here's our dilemma...
Do we bite the bullet and take our best "shot" (no pun intended) and go for the injectables?!
or
Do we try one last natural cycle in hopes that the HSG, new donor and 2 month break is the recipe for success???
I could really use some advice.
Here's the gist of everything:
My doc says he wants us to try and ignore the cyst for now and start injectionables for this upcoming cycle. If the cyst grows, we can stop and make a different plan. If it doesn't, we can continue on and try to inseminate by Mid-March.
He scheduled me a progesterone blood test for Tuesday to make sure I'm ovulating (just somehow missing it on the OPKs) and then start an intense round of Menopur. The good new is that injectables increase your chances of getting pregnant and you are constantly monitored throughout to make sure everything's going according to plan. The bad news is there is a higher percentage of having multiples! Ack! I can't imagine having twins, much less becoming the next Octomom! No way! The very thought of multiples makes my head spin.
But, I really want to get pregnant and I'd love to do it before I'm forty.
But I hate drugs! I rarely take anything for pain and prefer to tough it out.
But I know someone who got pregnant after injectables and had ONE, perfect baby boy!
But, needles, yeeeesh.
Aw, but twins would be adorable and we could be done making babies.
But TWINS??!! Good gawd I'd rather stick a hot poker in my eye.
Do you see how my mind works???
So here's our dilemma...
Do we bite the bullet and take our best "shot" (no pun intended) and go for the injectables?!
or
Do we try one last natural cycle in hopes that the HSG, new donor and 2 month break is the recipe for success???
I could really use some advice.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
No words
Just as I sit here to type, I find I can barely pull my thoughts together.
This is the 2nd month in a row that I haven't been able to detect my LH surge to let me know that I'm ovulating. I just don't know what to think. For the last two days I've carried around a lump in my throat--right on the verge of tears. My emotions are a total wreck. A part of me feels lost, another part confused. And all the while I keep hearing this tiny little whisper that says, What if you can't do this?
This is the 2nd month in a row that I haven't been able to detect my LH surge to let me know that I'm ovulating. I just don't know what to think. For the last two days I've carried around a lump in my throat--right on the verge of tears. My emotions are a total wreck. A part of me feels lost, another part confused. And all the while I keep hearing this tiny little whisper that says, What if you can't do this?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
OUCH!
That. Effing. Hurt.
I survived the dreaded HSG test.... but barely.
This is the procedure they do when they shoot black dye through a catheter into your uterus, then continue to push it so that it goes all the way through your fallopian tubes. The point of it is to make sure there is no blockage so that you can ovulate and presumably conceive a baby.
I've been stressing this damn day for weeks. I had heard things like:
"The pain is worse than childbirth!"
"I cramped for days after"
"It was the worst thing I've ever been through"
Blah, blah, blah...
You can only imagine what kind of thoughts had been going through my head! So, I was as prepared as you can be going in. I started the prescribed antibiotics the night before, took 800 mg of Advil the morning of, and did tons of visualization and positive thinking all the way to the hospital.
When the nurse called us back (she was really nice, btw) she explained everything in detail. Then she informed us that spouses/partners weren't allowed in the room, but can come in immediately after. Obviously, we wondered why and she told us that they'd had too many spouses pass out and that "it's just protocol!" Ha! So, I put my "brave face" on and went for it.
The NP that did the procedure was amazing! I loved her right away! She talked me through the entire thing and was really sweet about it all. The first nurse held my hands and gave me little "pep talks" all the way through.
I'm not going to lie, it hurt like hell when they squirted the dye in! I got to watch it all on the monitor and when I wasn't writhing in pain, it was actually pretty cool! The right side did a stellar job--the ink went through the tube and it looked like a beautiful black swirl. The left side was the problem. They asked me to turn over, back and forth, a few times and just when I was about to yank the damn catheter out myself, she said, "There it goes!" It finally opened up and the ink went through.
The fun didn't actually happen, though, until after.
They brought K in and right at that moment the NP said, "Uh oh, she doesn't look too good--go get oxygen." I lay there for awhile and then tried to get up to go get dressed in the bathroom. K helped me inside and then VHOOOOOM the world fell out from under me and I nearly fainted. They put me on a gurney and wheeled me into a recovery room where I had to stay for an extra half hour.
Me, the Drama Queen.
As we were walking out of the hospital, my lovely wife whispers, "So how the hell are you going to make it through labor?!!!" Ha! Let me just get pregnant first and then we'll deal with that...
I survived the dreaded HSG test.... but barely.
This is the procedure they do when they shoot black dye through a catheter into your uterus, then continue to push it so that it goes all the way through your fallopian tubes. The point of it is to make sure there is no blockage so that you can ovulate and presumably conceive a baby.
I've been stressing this damn day for weeks. I had heard things like:
"The pain is worse than childbirth!"
"I cramped for days after"
"It was the worst thing I've ever been through"
Blah, blah, blah...
You can only imagine what kind of thoughts had been going through my head! So, I was as prepared as you can be going in. I started the prescribed antibiotics the night before, took 800 mg of Advil the morning of, and did tons of visualization and positive thinking all the way to the hospital.
When the nurse called us back (she was really nice, btw) she explained everything in detail. Then she informed us that spouses/partners weren't allowed in the room, but can come in immediately after. Obviously, we wondered why and she told us that they'd had too many spouses pass out and that "it's just protocol!" Ha! So, I put my "brave face" on and went for it.
The NP that did the procedure was amazing! I loved her right away! She talked me through the entire thing and was really sweet about it all. The first nurse held my hands and gave me little "pep talks" all the way through.
I'm not going to lie, it hurt like hell when they squirted the dye in! I got to watch it all on the monitor and when I wasn't writhing in pain, it was actually pretty cool! The right side did a stellar job--the ink went through the tube and it looked like a beautiful black swirl. The left side was the problem. They asked me to turn over, back and forth, a few times and just when I was about to yank the damn catheter out myself, she said, "There it goes!" It finally opened up and the ink went through.
The fun didn't actually happen, though, until after.
They brought K in and right at that moment the NP said, "Uh oh, she doesn't look too good--go get oxygen." I lay there for awhile and then tried to get up to go get dressed in the bathroom. K helped me inside and then VHOOOOOM the world fell out from under me and I nearly fainted. They put me on a gurney and wheeled me into a recovery room where I had to stay for an extra half hour.
Me, the Drama Queen.
As we were walking out of the hospital, my lovely wife whispers, "So how the hell are you going to make it through labor?!!!" Ha! Let me just get pregnant first and then we'll deal with that...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
A funny thing happened on the way to get pregnant
I can't tell you how many times I've had one of those out-of-body experiences during this whole TTC adventure. Where I step outside of my physical self and just try process it all. Last night was one of those moments...
I finally scored an ultrasound appointment for 10 o'clock last night. Having tried unsuccessfully to make the appointment on my lunch break, I ended up making the call while simultaneously dealing with 23 needy 2nd graders. I grabbed a pack of sticky notes and frantically scratched out the details from the nurse as I continued putting out miscellaneous "fires" in the classroom. The only thing I really thought about after the call was, Don't pee an hour before the procedure. Got it.
As we left for the appointment, I grabbed my notes and realized I was supposed to drink 32 ounces of clear liquid an hour and a half BEFORE we got to the hospital. Oops. I pounded as much water as I could on the way and then drank the rest of my tea in the waiting room.
A piece of advice: If your x-ray tech comes out wearing Disney scrubs, be afraid.
She was a large, gruff lady with absolutely NO bedside manner. She brought us into a dark examining room with country music blaring from some crappy radio. She asked me to lift my shirt, then squirted some gel on my stomach. After about two minutes of rubbing the little wand all over, she stopped and scolded me for not following directions. "You didn't have a full bladder so I couldn't get a good picture."
Shit.
She told me to go to the bathroom and empty my almost-empty bladder and come back for the vaginal ultrasound. Fun.
As she was exploring around in my uterus, taking pictures and whatnot, I almost got a terrible case of the church giggles. I'm lying there, feet in the stirrups, trying to go to a happy place when all of a sudden some country song comes on about this guy whose girlfriend "drinks whiskey and gets frisky!" I nearly lost it. K caught my eye and smiled and I had to look away and bite the insides of my cheeks. I knew if I started laughing, I wouldn't stop.
Well, I hope she got some good photos of the "gargantuan black hole" (a.k.a. ovarian cyst) so we can get past this. When it was over, she handed me a towel and said, "Have a good night and good luck." The moment she walked out of the room, K and I cracked up. The entire night was so bizarre, there was nothing else to do but laugh.
And since we have to take another month off and can't inseminate again (Grrrrrrrr...) I'm thinking I might as well get some whiskey and get frisky this weekend.
Cheers, bitches!
I finally scored an ultrasound appointment for 10 o'clock last night. Having tried unsuccessfully to make the appointment on my lunch break, I ended up making the call while simultaneously dealing with 23 needy 2nd graders. I grabbed a pack of sticky notes and frantically scratched out the details from the nurse as I continued putting out miscellaneous "fires" in the classroom. The only thing I really thought about after the call was, Don't pee an hour before the procedure. Got it.
As we left for the appointment, I grabbed my notes and realized I was supposed to drink 32 ounces of clear liquid an hour and a half BEFORE we got to the hospital. Oops. I pounded as much water as I could on the way and then drank the rest of my tea in the waiting room.
A piece of advice: If your x-ray tech comes out wearing Disney scrubs, be afraid.
She was a large, gruff lady with absolutely NO bedside manner. She brought us into a dark examining room with country music blaring from some crappy radio. She asked me to lift my shirt, then squirted some gel on my stomach. After about two minutes of rubbing the little wand all over, she stopped and scolded me for not following directions. "You didn't have a full bladder so I couldn't get a good picture."
Shit.
She told me to go to the bathroom and empty my almost-empty bladder and come back for the vaginal ultrasound. Fun.
As she was exploring around in my uterus, taking pictures and whatnot, I almost got a terrible case of the church giggles. I'm lying there, feet in the stirrups, trying to go to a happy place when all of a sudden some country song comes on about this guy whose girlfriend "drinks whiskey and gets frisky!" I nearly lost it. K caught my eye and smiled and I had to look away and bite the insides of my cheeks. I knew if I started laughing, I wouldn't stop.
Well, I hope she got some good photos of the "gargantuan black hole" (a.k.a. ovarian cyst) so we can get past this. When it was over, she handed me a towel and said, "Have a good night and good luck." The moment she walked out of the room, K and I cracked up. The entire night was so bizarre, there was nothing else to do but laugh.
And since we have to take another month off and can't inseminate again (Grrrrrrrr...) I'm thinking I might as well get some whiskey and get frisky this weekend.
Cheers, bitches!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
A Lovely Distraction
It's Superbowl Weekend!
K's 'rents showed up last night and we've been having a great time! We've pretty much eaten non-stop since they arrived. Funny how that's what you plan your days around when you have guests in town...
What shall we do for dinner? Yeah, Mexican take-out sounds perfect!
Anyone want another cookie for breakfast? Sure, if you're getting up
Should we split that brownie ala mode for dessert? Only if I can lick the caramel off the plate after
Well, if I can't get pregnant right now, I might as well start pretending I am. I guess that way I'll already know what it feels like to be a fat lady when the day comes. ;)
We're throwing a little shindig tomorrow to cheer on our Steelers. This will be our friend, Brett's 3rd (yes, 3rd!) time going to the Superbowl and we are all soooo stoked! It looks like we'll be entertaining about 12-15 people in our new little house. Hope no one minds cuddling.
K's 'rents showed up last night and we've been having a great time! We've pretty much eaten non-stop since they arrived. Funny how that's what you plan your days around when you have guests in town...
What shall we do for dinner? Yeah, Mexican take-out sounds perfect!
Anyone want another cookie for breakfast? Sure, if you're getting up
Should we split that brownie ala mode for dessert? Only if I can lick the caramel off the plate after
Well, if I can't get pregnant right now, I might as well start pretending I am. I guess that way I'll already know what it feels like to be a fat lady when the day comes. ;)
We're throwing a little shindig tomorrow to cheer on our Steelers. This will be our friend, Brett's 3rd (yes, 3rd!) time going to the Superbowl and we are all soooo stoked! It looks like we'll be entertaining about 12-15 people in our new little house. Hope no one minds cuddling.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Roadblock
I feel deflated.
Had a routine appointment this morning for an ultrasound so that we could move forward with medication. Unfortunately, the cyst on my left ovary that they found back in October was still there and we hit a bit of a brick wall. Apparently, you can't take any oral medication or do the injectibles if you have a cyst because it will make the cyst grow. Ugh.
He gave us 3 new options today...
1. Do nothing. Continue au naturale and hope and pray it works
2. Take birth control pills (Seriously??? I can't imagine the thought)
3. Surgery to remove the cyst
The doctor scheduled me for another ultrasound through the radiology department (there's are better, I guess??) and we will hopefully know more soon. If the cyst is just hanging out there doing what nice cysts do, then we'll just try to ignore it for now. But, if it looks like it might be harmful or hindering conception, I guess we'll have to make a decision about how to forge ahead.
At this point, I'm still hopeful, but feeling a bit knocked down. After having to take last month off because I missed my ovulation, I was really looking forward to making it happen this time with the help of some good drugs. I was sure, in my mind, that this would be IT!
*(big, dramatic sigh)*
Back to the drawing board, we go...
Had a routine appointment this morning for an ultrasound so that we could move forward with medication. Unfortunately, the cyst on my left ovary that they found back in October was still there and we hit a bit of a brick wall. Apparently, you can't take any oral medication or do the injectibles if you have a cyst because it will make the cyst grow. Ugh.
He gave us 3 new options today...
1. Do nothing. Continue au naturale and hope and pray it works
2. Take birth control pills (Seriously??? I can't imagine the thought)
3. Surgery to remove the cyst
The doctor scheduled me for another ultrasound through the radiology department (there's are better, I guess??) and we will hopefully know more soon. If the cyst is just hanging out there doing what nice cysts do, then we'll just try to ignore it for now. But, if it looks like it might be harmful or hindering conception, I guess we'll have to make a decision about how to forge ahead.
At this point, I'm still hopeful, but feeling a bit knocked down. After having to take last month off because I missed my ovulation, I was really looking forward to making it happen this time with the help of some good drugs. I was sure, in my mind, that this would be IT!
*(big, dramatic sigh)*
Back to the drawing board, we go...