Hello all! Sorry it's been forever since my last update. I've been trying to figure out a new post, but it's been days and I still haven't come up with much. But the gist of it is... we didn't get the best news at our last ultrasound. Basically, my follicles weren't responding to the meds the way they were supposed to and the doc canceled our cycle. We made the decision to take a couple of months off just to regroup and reassess everything. We are NOT giving up on making a baby, but we need to take a break from TTC and get back to us before we get a new plan in place.
On a side note, I want to thank everyone for all the love and support. Your emails and calls and texts (and care packages!) mean the world to us. I am continually inspired and encouraged by all of you. Thanks for being there... xo
Monday, May 23, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Poke, prick, stab, repeat...
I couldn't help but wonder if I'd look like one of those lawn sprinklers if you hooked me up to a garden hose yesterday! I dealt with needles all day yesterday! It started at my Orthodontist appointment when I had to get a couple of shots in my gums. I went from there to my acupuncture appointment.. 'nuff said. And then we had our injections last night. When I crawled into bed to do my good visualization techniques (where I imagine my follicles growing and my girly parts doing their jobs), all I could think about was starting a new business as a walking sprinkler system!!!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Back in the saddle!
After being forced to take another month off from TTC, we finally got the green light to go forward again! You've never seen a girl get so excited to start her period--I practically danced out of the bathroom! Doc put me back on the estrogen again to hopefully lengthen my cycle. (I'm pretty sure it will work because my last cycle lasted 32 days!) We did our first round of Menopur injections tonight (Doc doubled the dose) and we're excited to be moving forward.
Another tidbit of news... I started acupuncture! I'd been hearing so much about acupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine for fertility (our local news even did a segment recently), but it wasn't until Kasey got a referral from a co-worker that we made the appointment. We went to our first consultation last week and fell in love with the doctor! He's handsome and smart and unbelievably positive! He was genuinly interested in our journey and didn't bat an eye at my age. In fact, he was very encouraging and told us he thought he could help. He has been in the business for years and specializes in helping women conceive. I guess he must know something about the process--they're expecting their 2nd child any day now!
Anyway, I went back for a 2-hour workup appointment on Monday and did a ton of tests: stress & blood pressure test, pee test (toxins), tongue analysis (you'd be surprised what they can tell by looking at your tongue!), and pressure points test. The results showed that I have a lot of stress (duh) and that I have some unbalanced issues in my organs. When the doc went over the results with me he told me I'd be a great cadidate. He said acupuncture can help balance me and should help get my fertile juices flowing! I had my first session and loved it. I imagined it would be painful and unnerving to have needles poked in various parts of my body, but it was actually pretty cool. The best part was after he placed the needles in. He turned the lights off and left me to chillax for a half hour. I lay there and had a nice, long chat with all the fertilty parts of my bod. It went something like this...
OK, look. I realize I've been telling you for years NOT, under any circumstances, to get pregnant. And I understand that I've pretty much ignored you for the last decade. And now, all of a sudden, I'm begging you to start working again and getting ready to make a baby. I know it's crazy and I apologize for all the confusion. But things change. I've changed. Now I'm ready to be a mom. You're absolutely right, this wasn't our plan. I'm sorry. But we're going to make a baby. Now I need everybody to work together to make this happen. Let's do this.
As strange as it sounds, I really think my body was listening to me.
Another tidbit of news... I started acupuncture! I'd been hearing so much about acupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine for fertility (our local news even did a segment recently), but it wasn't until Kasey got a referral from a co-worker that we made the appointment. We went to our first consultation last week and fell in love with the doctor! He's handsome and smart and unbelievably positive! He was genuinly interested in our journey and didn't bat an eye at my age. In fact, he was very encouraging and told us he thought he could help. He has been in the business for years and specializes in helping women conceive. I guess he must know something about the process--they're expecting their 2nd child any day now!
Anyway, I went back for a 2-hour workup appointment on Monday and did a ton of tests: stress & blood pressure test, pee test (toxins), tongue analysis (you'd be surprised what they can tell by looking at your tongue!), and pressure points test. The results showed that I have a lot of stress (duh) and that I have some unbalanced issues in my organs. When the doc went over the results with me he told me I'd be a great cadidate. He said acupuncture can help balance me and should help get my fertile juices flowing! I had my first session and loved it. I imagined it would be painful and unnerving to have needles poked in various parts of my body, but it was actually pretty cool. The best part was after he placed the needles in. He turned the lights off and left me to chillax for a half hour. I lay there and had a nice, long chat with all the fertilty parts of my bod. It went something like this...
OK, look. I realize I've been telling you for years NOT, under any circumstances, to get pregnant. And I understand that I've pretty much ignored you for the last decade. And now, all of a sudden, I'm begging you to start working again and getting ready to make a baby. I know it's crazy and I apologize for all the confusion. But things change. I've changed. Now I'm ready to be a mom. You're absolutely right, this wasn't our plan. I'm sorry. But we're going to make a baby. Now I need everybody to work together to make this happen. Let's do this.
As strange as it sounds, I really think my body was listening to me.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sneaky, sneaky
I have a little secret...
We picked a new donor!!!
You have no idea what a grueling process this is! We had talked about maybe looking into getting a new dude for our next go, but weren't too sure if we were up for it. It's soooo hard! You'd think it'd be no big deal. You browse the catalogs, throw in eye and hair color and viola: you get a donor! Well, it's just not that simple. But, being forced to take another month off of TTC gave us lots of time to think. So, without telling a soul, we started the process of "Finding Mr. Right" once again.
We originally looked only at brown haired guys (like KK) but decided to give the blondies a whirl. We ended up finding a great donor a few months back and put him on our list of "Donors we will consider if we don't get knocked up this month." And lucky for us, we found 2 amazing girls on the east coast who are using him too! Long story short, by the time we were ready to buy the vials, he was already retired and we were out of luck. (I'm not sure if losing out on him or our new girlfriend-mommies of his half sibs made us sadder!) Back to the drawing board...
For this new endeavor, we decided we would be open to pretty much anything. We ended up with 7 possibilities and narrowed that list to 4. And then the fun begins! Kase takes her laptop and I take mine and we sit across the room from each other. We go through each donor and scrutinize everything and then put them in order. Then comes the BIG REVEAL! When we showed our results, we had both picked the same donor as our #1! No brainer! Yesterday we ordered up the goods and now we only have to wait until May when we get our next try! Can't wait!
P.S. If you're wondering about our new guy, here's his stats: brown hair, blue eyes, 6', surfer/snowboarder, who names his mom as his "biggest hero in life" :) Awww......
We picked a new donor!!!
You have no idea what a grueling process this is! We had talked about maybe looking into getting a new dude for our next go, but weren't too sure if we were up for it. It's soooo hard! You'd think it'd be no big deal. You browse the catalogs, throw in eye and hair color and viola: you get a donor! Well, it's just not that simple. But, being forced to take another month off of TTC gave us lots of time to think. So, without telling a soul, we started the process of "Finding Mr. Right" once again.
We originally looked only at brown haired guys (like KK) but decided to give the blondies a whirl. We ended up finding a great donor a few months back and put him on our list of "Donors we will consider if we don't get knocked up this month." And lucky for us, we found 2 amazing girls on the east coast who are using him too! Long story short, by the time we were ready to buy the vials, he was already retired and we were out of luck. (I'm not sure if losing out on him or our new girlfriend-mommies of his half sibs made us sadder!) Back to the drawing board...
For this new endeavor, we decided we would be open to pretty much anything. We ended up with 7 possibilities and narrowed that list to 4. And then the fun begins! Kase takes her laptop and I take mine and we sit across the room from each other. We go through each donor and scrutinize everything and then put them in order. Then comes the BIG REVEAL! When we showed our results, we had both picked the same donor as our #1! No brainer! Yesterday we ordered up the goods and now we only have to wait until May when we get our next try! Can't wait!
P.S. If you're wondering about our new guy, here's his stats: brown hair, blue eyes, 6', surfer/snowboarder, who names his mom as his "biggest hero in life" :) Awww......
Monday, April 4, 2011
Back to us!
It's amazing what a weekend getaway to the desert can do for you!!! Aahhhh... We are back to us again.
After our crummy news last weekend, K and I decided to get away from it all and leave town. We wanted sun and heat, so we packed up and headed to Palm Springs. We left Friday--right when school got out--and made it there in time for dinner. We threw on tanks and flops and walked to a Mexican restaurant. I can't even describe how lovely it felt to sit outside, sip a Corona, and just people-watch--sheer heaven! As we cruised up and down the streets, we started thinking, Wow! It sure is busy this weekend! And look at all the lesbians! At some point, we began to realize: OMG! It's Dinah Shore Weekend! (I swear, we are such an embarrassment to the entire lesbian community!!) Utterly exhausted from the week, we landed back at our hotel and crashed sometime around 10pm. So much for these party girls!
We slept in on Saturday and drank coffee on the balcony. Just as we were discussing our plans for the day, an old friend of ours called to say she found out we were in PS (from Facebook, of course) and hoped to see us. As luck would have it, she was on her way to a pool party and wanted us to join her! Well, when in Rome.... We crashed the party and met some of the coolest girls. They were all so great and not one of them shunned us when they found out we were in town "by accident!" Ha! Everyone split up at some point: they went to other parties for Dinah; we went to the Ace Hotel pool to lay out and drink cocktails. It was a pretty perfect day. That evening, we walked to our favorite outdoor restaurant and ordered sushi and steak and salad. We sat outside in 80 degree weather and just relaxed. We picked up dessert to go and spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing in bed. After 10 hours of sleep, we peeled ourselves out of bed and walked to Starbucks for a quick breakfast before hitting the road.
I have to say, it was one of the best weekends I've had in quite some time. Aaahhhhh....
After our crummy news last weekend, K and I decided to get away from it all and leave town. We wanted sun and heat, so we packed up and headed to Palm Springs. We left Friday--right when school got out--and made it there in time for dinner. We threw on tanks and flops and walked to a Mexican restaurant. I can't even describe how lovely it felt to sit outside, sip a Corona, and just people-watch--sheer heaven! As we cruised up and down the streets, we started thinking, Wow! It sure is busy this weekend! And look at all the lesbians! At some point, we began to realize: OMG! It's Dinah Shore Weekend! (I swear, we are such an embarrassment to the entire lesbian community!!) Utterly exhausted from the week, we landed back at our hotel and crashed sometime around 10pm. So much for these party girls!
We slept in on Saturday and drank coffee on the balcony. Just as we were discussing our plans for the day, an old friend of ours called to say she found out we were in PS (from Facebook, of course) and hoped to see us. As luck would have it, she was on her way to a pool party and wanted us to join her! Well, when in Rome.... We crashed the party and met some of the coolest girls. They were all so great and not one of them shunned us when they found out we were in town "by accident!" Ha! Everyone split up at some point: they went to other parties for Dinah; we went to the Ace Hotel pool to lay out and drink cocktails. It was a pretty perfect day. That evening, we walked to our favorite outdoor restaurant and ordered sushi and steak and salad. We sat outside in 80 degree weather and just relaxed. We picked up dessert to go and spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing in bed. After 10 hours of sleep, we peeled ourselves out of bed and walked to Starbucks for a quick breakfast before hitting the road.
I have to say, it was one of the best weekends I've had in quite some time. Aaahhhhh....
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Somebody throw me some Prozac!
I probably shouldn't joke about anti-depressants. I had such an incredibly trying day on Sunday that I could easily see how someone might just slip over that precarious edge of sanity. I didn't reach that point of course, but I felt a shade of crazy for sure. I pretty much knew I wasn't pregnant and almost expected to get my period at any moment. But for some reason, when it happened, it hit me harder than I could have imagined. I broke down in tears immediately and once I started crying, I couldn't stop! I mean, I would feel a bit better and dry it up and think, Whew, glad that's over and then BAM I'd have another meltdown. Lucky for me, I have an incredible wife who somehow makes everything alright. She let me sob for as long as I needed. Then she made me get off the couch, wash my snotty face, then she put me in the car and drove me straight to the beach. It was EXACTLY what I needed.
Things are much better today. I had to jump back into work on Monday and get ready for 5 new students: hermit crabs! (A lovely distraction, actually). When we called to make a new plan with the doc, we were given some bittersweet news. We have to take next month off, but we will get to do another round of the injectables and start them much sooner next time. He wants to give my follies plenty of time to grow so we have a better chance of hitting a target when we shoot again. Soooo, not too thrilled about taking another month off, but feeling pretty excited about getting another go. And May seems like a pretty perfect month to make a baby, if you ask me.
Things are much better today. I had to jump back into work on Monday and get ready for 5 new students: hermit crabs! (A lovely distraction, actually). When we called to make a new plan with the doc, we were given some bittersweet news. We have to take next month off, but we will get to do another round of the injectables and start them much sooner next time. He wants to give my follies plenty of time to grow so we have a better chance of hitting a target when we shoot again. Soooo, not too thrilled about taking another month off, but feeling pretty excited about getting another go. And May seems like a pretty perfect month to make a baby, if you ask me.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Blah
Started my period yesterday when I was already extremely homesick...
Not a good combination. :(
Not a good combination. :(
Thursday, March 24, 2011
One week down...
It's been a week since Insemination Day and I thought I should report that... there is nothing to report!
Nope. No sore boob, no strange dreams, no funky feeling.
On a sappy note: Yesterday while I was on recess duty, one of my second grade boys was standing around chatting with me. At one point he patted me on the stomach and said, "Ms. P are you ever gonna have a baby in there?" I said, "I'm not sure, Luis, maybe one day." And then he said, "Well, I wish you were my mom." It was so heartfelt and sweet that I immediately got a lump in my throat and couldn't respond. Cutest thing ever. :)
Nope. No sore boob, no strange dreams, no funky feeling.
On a sappy note: Yesterday while I was on recess duty, one of my second grade boys was standing around chatting with me. At one point he patted me on the stomach and said, "Ms. P are you ever gonna have a baby in there?" I said, "I'm not sure, Luis, maybe one day." And then he said, "Well, I wish you were my mom." It was so heartfelt and sweet that I immediately got a lump in my throat and couldn't respond. Cutest thing ever. :)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Pregnancy Symptoms??
Though many women never feel a thing--even weeks AFTER they miss a period--there are a few things some women claim to feel during the Two Week Wait. One of them is sore boobs. Another is having weird baby dreams...
My right boob is sore.
A little.
Ok, barely.
And only the right one.
Last night I had a weird baby dream.
I dreamed I had this baby crocodile for a pet! It was about a foot long and bumpy and cold and green! And the worst part about it was that it would bite! So everywhere I'd go around my house, I'd be searching frantically for the damn thing--afraid it would get me! I got so stressed out, I woke myself up. Now why it never occurred to me to put the thing in some sort of tank with water or something (or to have a damn reptile for a pet in the first place!!!) is beyond me. But, I had the dream, nonetheless.
Now I say all of this facetiously... There is actually no possible way I could be feeling pregnancy symptoms this early on. (It's only been 3 days since the insemination!) Believe it or not, if one of the spermies reached my egg, then the fertilized egg (a.k.a. dividing mass of cells) is still making its long, arduous journey through my fallopian tube. It will still be a few days before it will find a comfy home in my uterus and implant there. That, my friends, is when you are technically preggers.
You're welcome. :)
I made myself a couple of promises.
One, that I wouldn't get too caught up on the Crazy Baby Train--freaking myself out and wondering if every little thing is a sign of pregnancy. We knew going into this round, that the conditions weren't perfect and that it may take a second "go" if the injections were going to work.
And two, that I would keep a sense of humor about it all.
I figure if I can do those two things I just might survive until March 30th: Day of the Pregnancy Blood Test. 12 more days to go....
My right boob is sore.
A little.
Ok, barely.
And only the right one.
Last night I had a weird baby dream.
I dreamed I had this baby crocodile for a pet! It was about a foot long and bumpy and cold and green! And the worst part about it was that it would bite! So everywhere I'd go around my house, I'd be searching frantically for the damn thing--afraid it would get me! I got so stressed out, I woke myself up. Now why it never occurred to me to put the thing in some sort of tank with water or something (or to have a damn reptile for a pet in the first place!!!) is beyond me. But, I had the dream, nonetheless.
Now I say all of this facetiously... There is actually no possible way I could be feeling pregnancy symptoms this early on. (It's only been 3 days since the insemination!) Believe it or not, if one of the spermies reached my egg, then the fertilized egg (a.k.a. dividing mass of cells) is still making its long, arduous journey through my fallopian tube. It will still be a few days before it will find a comfy home in my uterus and implant there. That, my friends, is when you are technically preggers.
You're welcome. :)
I made myself a couple of promises.
One, that I wouldn't get too caught up on the Crazy Baby Train--freaking myself out and wondering if every little thing is a sign of pregnancy. We knew going into this round, that the conditions weren't perfect and that it may take a second "go" if the injections were going to work.
And two, that I would keep a sense of humor about it all.
I figure if I can do those two things I just might survive until March 30th: Day of the Pregnancy Blood Test. 12 more days to go....
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Insemination Day!
Ya know, I just can't stop thinking about something I heard recently: Trust your struggle. When you think about it, life is full of struggles. Some are tougher than others, but being on this planet isn't easy. There are so many obstacles we have to overcome and it's all part of the learning process. So as I trudge through TTC, I've decided to make that my mantra. ;)
(I just re-read this and it sounds like some cheezy advertisement, but I'm keeping it!!!)
When I woke up this morning I noticed that K had tied a huge pink, polka-dotted bow on Little Squirt's tank! I said, "Oh, I see you got someone ready for his big day!" And her reply was, "He's a gift." (That nearly broke my heart it was so sweet).
I buckled him in and we made it to the doc by 7:30. After he did the IUI, we had time to chat. He wasn't as much of a Debbie Downer as the NP was yesterday. In fact, he told us he knew plenty of women who had gotten preggers with follicles like mine. He told us not to lose hope and that our spermies were of "excellent quality"--18-20 million of those little suckers! And though I had this terrible worry that he might say, "There's nothing more I can do for you," instead he said we should definitely give it another go next month if this doesn't work! So, today is a much better day. We plan to keep it chill and be realistic, but we haven't lost hope!
(I just re-read this and it sounds like some cheezy advertisement, but I'm keeping it!!!)
When I woke up this morning I noticed that K had tied a huge pink, polka-dotted bow on Little Squirt's tank! I said, "Oh, I see you got someone ready for his big day!" And her reply was, "He's a gift." (That nearly broke my heart it was so sweet).
I buckled him in and we made it to the doc by 7:30. After he did the IUI, we had time to chat. He wasn't as much of a Debbie Downer as the NP was yesterday. In fact, he told us he knew plenty of women who had gotten preggers with follicles like mine. He told us not to lose hope and that our spermies were of "excellent quality"--18-20 million of those little suckers! And though I had this terrible worry that he might say, "There's nothing more I can do for you," instead he said we should definitely give it another go next month if this doesn't work! So, today is a much better day. We plan to keep it chill and be realistic, but we haven't lost hope!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Bummer
Well, things have not worked out the way they were supposed to, unfortunately.
I left another appointment in tears. (Big, dramatic sigh...)
The blood test this morning showed that my estrogen dropped dramatically (300 points) which means that I either already ovulated or would be imminently. When the Nurse Practitioner walked in, the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm sorry." She did the sonogram and found that nothing had changed since yesterday. No new follicles. No new growth. She went ahead and gave me the trigger shot to force ovulation and told me to schedule the insemination for tomorrow morning. She was very clear that it was "unlikely" that I would get pregnant, but said she knew how hard we worked this cycle to just do nothing.
I worry that maybe I missed my window...
But, I must say, I have NO REGRETS. I will NOT look back and wish I would've started this journey sooner. I will NOT pout that I missed my opportunity because I was too busy living my life. I will NOT EVER wish I would have accidentally gotten pregnant when I was an ignorant and reckless 20-something with fertile eggs galore! No. I will not.
But I will hold on to hope because, so far, I haven't heard the words You can not get pregnant. And even though I've been beat down and scraped up, I will push on. My mom said to me today, "If you can imagine it, it will happen. I see this happening for you with all my heart. I am not giving up!" So I cannot give up. Not yet. We will talk to Doc tomorrow about the future plans. And for now, I will sit here and stare at Little Squirt-- sitting nice and snug in his cryo tank--and imagine that those spermies will do their job and it will happen.
I left another appointment in tears. (Big, dramatic sigh...)
The blood test this morning showed that my estrogen dropped dramatically (300 points) which means that I either already ovulated or would be imminently. When the Nurse Practitioner walked in, the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm sorry." She did the sonogram and found that nothing had changed since yesterday. No new follicles. No new growth. She went ahead and gave me the trigger shot to force ovulation and told me to schedule the insemination for tomorrow morning. She was very clear that it was "unlikely" that I would get pregnant, but said she knew how hard we worked this cycle to just do nothing.
I worry that maybe I missed my window...
But, I must say, I have NO REGRETS. I will NOT look back and wish I would've started this journey sooner. I will NOT pout that I missed my opportunity because I was too busy living my life. I will NOT EVER wish I would have accidentally gotten pregnant when I was an ignorant and reckless 20-something with fertile eggs galore! No. I will not.
But I will hold on to hope because, so far, I haven't heard the words You can not get pregnant. And even though I've been beat down and scraped up, I will push on. My mom said to me today, "If you can imagine it, it will happen. I see this happening for you with all my heart. I am not giving up!" So I cannot give up. Not yet. We will talk to Doc tomorrow about the future plans. And for now, I will sit here and stare at Little Squirt-- sitting nice and snug in his cryo tank--and imagine that those spermies will do their job and it will happen.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Cautious Optimism
Today we left the doc's office smiling like little fools! We are trying not to get too uber excited, but it looks as if things are "progressing nicely" with my girly parts. :)
My estrogen came back at 339 (seems incredibly high to me, but what do I know?) and my uterine lining measured at a lovely 8mm. From what I've read, that's pretty perfect. I have four follicles: 2 on each side. The left side (the nasty cyst side) had two really tiny ones. My theory is that the cyst is crowding the poor dears and they don't have much room to grow. But the right side (the happy, healthy side) has two follies that measured 10mm each! Doc would like them to be at 18mm, so he wants us to continue shooting up until Monday. At that point, we will go back for bloodwork and another sonogram and hopefully (and I do say this with the utmost cautiousness!) we will be able to set a date to trigger shot and inseminate!
Thank you thank you thank you for all the good vibes! I could actually FEEL the love today!!!
My estrogen came back at 339 (seems incredibly high to me, but what do I know?) and my uterine lining measured at a lovely 8mm. From what I've read, that's pretty perfect. I have four follicles: 2 on each side. The left side (the nasty cyst side) had two really tiny ones. My theory is that the cyst is crowding the poor dears and they don't have much room to grow. But the right side (the happy, healthy side) has two follies that measured 10mm each! Doc would like them to be at 18mm, so he wants us to continue shooting up until Monday. At that point, we will go back for bloodwork and another sonogram and hopefully (and I do say this with the utmost cautiousness!) we will be able to set a date to trigger shot and inseminate!
Thank you thank you thank you for all the good vibes! I could actually FEEL the love today!!!
Up and at 'em!
Ok, so this is a big appointment day!
I'm off to my 7am blood test at the hospital and then a sonogram at 11:30 to see how things are progressing with my girly parts. Thanks for all your texts and positive thoughts! I'll update later this afternoon and hopefully we'll have some news....
I'm off to my 7am blood test at the hospital and then a sonogram at 11:30 to see how things are progressing with my girly parts. Thanks for all your texts and positive thoughts! I'll update later this afternoon and hopefully we'll have some news....
Monday, March 7, 2011
You can just call me...
...The Shot Queen! (Note of clarification: I've been called the "Shot Nazi" before, but this time we're not talking about the Lemon Drop type of shots)
Kase and I have these injectables down to a science! We gather our supplies. Take everything to the bathroom and shut the door (We just can't bear the thought of Kitty walking in on us--might be a bit traumatic for her). We sanitize everything with alcohol. Pop the caps. Load the syringe with 1mL of saline. Mix the vials one at a time. And ZAP!
As masochistic as this may seem, we get a bit giddy with it! Not because we're injecting me in the stomach with hormones, but I think it's the idea that we're actually DOING something that might make us a baby soon!!!
Yes, my mood is much lighter today--in spite of it being a chaotic Monday!
I had to be at the hospital by 7 to get my blood drawn. Then I had to make it to my OB appointment by 8. After that, I rushed to school in time to relieve my half-day sub. I spent a couple of hours with my kids and then ended my day with a looooong meeting. After cleaning up and prepping for tomorrow, I rushed home so I could call the voicemail and get my new instructions. Doc upped my dosage a half vial (??) for the next 4 nights and then I have another blood test and sonogram on Friday. So, looks like we'll continue on and hopefully get some good news by Friday. Doc says if my follicles look ready, we should be able to make an insemination date soon after! Cross your fingers!!!
Kase and I have these injectables down to a science! We gather our supplies. Take everything to the bathroom and shut the door (We just can't bear the thought of Kitty walking in on us--might be a bit traumatic for her). We sanitize everything with alcohol. Pop the caps. Load the syringe with 1mL of saline. Mix the vials one at a time. And ZAP!
As masochistic as this may seem, we get a bit giddy with it! Not because we're injecting me in the stomach with hormones, but I think it's the idea that we're actually DOING something that might make us a baby soon!!!
Yes, my mood is much lighter today--in spite of it being a chaotic Monday!
I had to be at the hospital by 7 to get my blood drawn. Then I had to make it to my OB appointment by 8. After that, I rushed to school in time to relieve my half-day sub. I spent a couple of hours with my kids and then ended my day with a looooong meeting. After cleaning up and prepping for tomorrow, I rushed home so I could call the voicemail and get my new instructions. Doc upped my dosage a half vial (??) for the next 4 nights and then I have another blood test and sonogram on Friday. So, looks like we'll continue on and hopefully get some good news by Friday. Doc says if my follicles look ready, we should be able to make an insemination date soon after! Cross your fingers!!!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Dumpy Grumps
My sister calls bad moods The Dumpy Grumps. I've had a case of the dumpy grumps for two days now and I can't seem to shake them. Truthfully, there's no real reason why I've been so down. I guess it must be a combination of the meds, my anxiety level and all the "what ifs" that's causing it. No matter how hard I try to stay positive and think happy thoughts, I find myself swimming in this pool of negativity...
You know it's bad when chocolate can't fix it!
Tonight is our 3rd and final night of the injections. I must say, it wasn't as horrible as I expected. In fact, I was quite proud of my bravery!
We picked up the Menopur Friday night--you should've seen the huge bag we carried out of the Pharmacy! (I'm sure we looked like a couple of hypochondriacs stocking up on our drugs!) We were both nervous wrecks when we finally got up the nerve to do it. It really wasn't the actual shot that stressed us out, it was all the preparation involved! We had to sterilize everything, mix the vials, screw on and off the caps and needles and then shoot it in my stomach. As barbaric as it sounds, the needles are actually pretty teeny and don't hurt. Much.
Since last night I've been feeling these little twinges of pain on my left side and I just KNOW it is that effing cyst probably growing out of control. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm so freaked out that I'll go in for my appointment tomorrow and the doc will have to cancel everything! Then I'll have to get surgery and then there will be two more months of big, fat nothing. I honestly don't know what I'll do if that happens. I know I'm not supposed to have these sorts of thoughts and that I need to be positive. But, I just can't help it.
Please send out happy, fertile thoughts for me tomorrow. I need all the good vibes I can get!
You know it's bad when chocolate can't fix it!
Tonight is our 3rd and final night of the injections. I must say, it wasn't as horrible as I expected. In fact, I was quite proud of my bravery!
We picked up the Menopur Friday night--you should've seen the huge bag we carried out of the Pharmacy! (I'm sure we looked like a couple of hypochondriacs stocking up on our drugs!) We were both nervous wrecks when we finally got up the nerve to do it. It really wasn't the actual shot that stressed us out, it was all the preparation involved! We had to sterilize everything, mix the vials, screw on and off the caps and needles and then shoot it in my stomach. As barbaric as it sounds, the needles are actually pretty teeny and don't hurt. Much.
Since last night I've been feeling these little twinges of pain on my left side and I just KNOW it is that effing cyst probably growing out of control. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm so freaked out that I'll go in for my appointment tomorrow and the doc will have to cancel everything! Then I'll have to get surgery and then there will be two more months of big, fat nothing. I honestly don't know what I'll do if that happens. I know I'm not supposed to have these sorts of thoughts and that I need to be positive. But, I just can't help it.
Please send out happy, fertile thoughts for me tomorrow. I need all the good vibes I can get!
Friday, February 25, 2011
One more thing
TGIF
Oh, happiest of Happy Fridays! It's been a hell of a long week and I'm so looking forward to this weekend. Our original plans to leave town and head off to the desert (Palm Springs) have changed due to the weather, but K and I will still make this a great birthday weekend for her! She assures me she wants nothing more than to get take-out and hunker down at home, but I'm hoping I can get her out to do a little shopping. ;)
And on the TTC front...
While I was absolutely sure I would put off taking any form of medication for as long as possible, I have decided to take the plunge and go for it. Not only did most of my family and friends suggest it, but the girls I've come to know and love in my Lesbian TTC Group really encouraged me to do it. Many of them told me they wished they'd done it sooner to save themselves all the heartache, not to mention money spent. Several of them had experience with injections and told me not to worry. If done properly, with the correct monitoring, there shouldn't be any concern that I will be the next Kate Plus 8. Thank Gawd for that.
So last night, I started my first round of Estrace (estrogen) and we have our baseline sonogram for Monday morning. We will get our How-To Injection lesson and will start shooting up after I start my period. If the cyst doesn't grow (please put good thoughts out there that it won't!) we should be able to inseminate sometime mid-March. Believe it or not, I'm actually looking forward to the Two Week Wait! Remind me of that when I'm tearing my hair out later...
And it just wouldn't be ME if I didn't have to make things difficult. We fell in love with a new donor and were fully prepared to go with our new guy. He is a dark-haired soccer star with a voice that melts your heart. He was good, except we really started nit-picking everything. We found things about him that we didn't LOVE. Oh, what to do...
So after some soul-searching (and more Internet searching) we have another donor we're considering. The good news is that we found another couple who are also using Guy #2 and they seem to be pretty fantastic. They live on the east coast, but would be up for keeping in touch if we want. Might be kinda cool to know some half-sibs out there in the future.
The whole process is still really mind-boggling to me. I mean, who gets to "shop" for sperm on their lunch break??? Crazy.
And on the TTC front...
While I was absolutely sure I would put off taking any form of medication for as long as possible, I have decided to take the plunge and go for it. Not only did most of my family and friends suggest it, but the girls I've come to know and love in my Lesbian TTC Group really encouraged me to do it. Many of them told me they wished they'd done it sooner to save themselves all the heartache, not to mention money spent. Several of them had experience with injections and told me not to worry. If done properly, with the correct monitoring, there shouldn't be any concern that I will be the next Kate Plus 8. Thank Gawd for that.
So last night, I started my first round of Estrace (estrogen) and we have our baseline sonogram for Monday morning. We will get our How-To Injection lesson and will start shooting up after I start my period. If the cyst doesn't grow (please put good thoughts out there that it won't!) we should be able to inseminate sometime mid-March. Believe it or not, I'm actually looking forward to the Two Week Wait! Remind me of that when I'm tearing my hair out later...
And it just wouldn't be ME if I didn't have to make things difficult. We fell in love with a new donor and were fully prepared to go with our new guy. He is a dark-haired soccer star with a voice that melts your heart. He was good, except we really started nit-picking everything. We found things about him that we didn't LOVE. Oh, what to do...
So after some soul-searching (and more Internet searching) we have another donor we're considering. The good news is that we found another couple who are also using Guy #2 and they seem to be pretty fantastic. They live on the east coast, but would be up for keeping in touch if we want. Might be kinda cool to know some half-sibs out there in the future.
The whole process is still really mind-boggling to me. I mean, who gets to "shop" for sperm on their lunch break??? Crazy.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Our Dilemma
Yesterday was the first time we have ever made it through an OB appointment without me leaving in tears! I think we're making some progress here, people!
Here's the gist of everything:
My doc says he wants us to try and ignore the cyst for now and start injectionables for this upcoming cycle. If the cyst grows, we can stop and make a different plan. If it doesn't, we can continue on and try to inseminate by Mid-March.
He scheduled me a progesterone blood test for Tuesday to make sure I'm ovulating (just somehow missing it on the OPKs) and then start an intense round of Menopur. The good new is that injectables increase your chances of getting pregnant and you are constantly monitored throughout to make sure everything's going according to plan. The bad news is there is a higher percentage of having multiples! Ack! I can't imagine having twins, much less becoming the next Octomom! No way! The very thought of multiples makes my head spin.
But, I really want to get pregnant and I'd love to do it before I'm forty.
But I hate drugs! I rarely take anything for pain and prefer to tough it out.
But I know someone who got pregnant after injectables and had ONE, perfect baby boy!
But, needles, yeeeesh.
Aw, but twins would be adorable and we could be done making babies.
But TWINS??!! Good gawd I'd rather stick a hot poker in my eye.
Do you see how my mind works???
So here's our dilemma...
Do we bite the bullet and take our best "shot" (no pun intended) and go for the injectables?!
or
Do we try one last natural cycle in hopes that the HSG, new donor and 2 month break is the recipe for success???
I could really use some advice.
Here's the gist of everything:
My doc says he wants us to try and ignore the cyst for now and start injectionables for this upcoming cycle. If the cyst grows, we can stop and make a different plan. If it doesn't, we can continue on and try to inseminate by Mid-March.
He scheduled me a progesterone blood test for Tuesday to make sure I'm ovulating (just somehow missing it on the OPKs) and then start an intense round of Menopur. The good new is that injectables increase your chances of getting pregnant and you are constantly monitored throughout to make sure everything's going according to plan. The bad news is there is a higher percentage of having multiples! Ack! I can't imagine having twins, much less becoming the next Octomom! No way! The very thought of multiples makes my head spin.
But, I really want to get pregnant and I'd love to do it before I'm forty.
But I hate drugs! I rarely take anything for pain and prefer to tough it out.
But I know someone who got pregnant after injectables and had ONE, perfect baby boy!
But, needles, yeeeesh.
Aw, but twins would be adorable and we could be done making babies.
But TWINS??!! Good gawd I'd rather stick a hot poker in my eye.
Do you see how my mind works???
So here's our dilemma...
Do we bite the bullet and take our best "shot" (no pun intended) and go for the injectables?!
or
Do we try one last natural cycle in hopes that the HSG, new donor and 2 month break is the recipe for success???
I could really use some advice.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
No words
Just as I sit here to type, I find I can barely pull my thoughts together.
This is the 2nd month in a row that I haven't been able to detect my LH surge to let me know that I'm ovulating. I just don't know what to think. For the last two days I've carried around a lump in my throat--right on the verge of tears. My emotions are a total wreck. A part of me feels lost, another part confused. And all the while I keep hearing this tiny little whisper that says, What if you can't do this?
This is the 2nd month in a row that I haven't been able to detect my LH surge to let me know that I'm ovulating. I just don't know what to think. For the last two days I've carried around a lump in my throat--right on the verge of tears. My emotions are a total wreck. A part of me feels lost, another part confused. And all the while I keep hearing this tiny little whisper that says, What if you can't do this?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
OUCH!
That. Effing. Hurt.
I survived the dreaded HSG test.... but barely.
This is the procedure they do when they shoot black dye through a catheter into your uterus, then continue to push it so that it goes all the way through your fallopian tubes. The point of it is to make sure there is no blockage so that you can ovulate and presumably conceive a baby.
I've been stressing this damn day for weeks. I had heard things like:
"The pain is worse than childbirth!"
"I cramped for days after"
"It was the worst thing I've ever been through"
Blah, blah, blah...
You can only imagine what kind of thoughts had been going through my head! So, I was as prepared as you can be going in. I started the prescribed antibiotics the night before, took 800 mg of Advil the morning of, and did tons of visualization and positive thinking all the way to the hospital.
When the nurse called us back (she was really nice, btw) she explained everything in detail. Then she informed us that spouses/partners weren't allowed in the room, but can come in immediately after. Obviously, we wondered why and she told us that they'd had too many spouses pass out and that "it's just protocol!" Ha! So, I put my "brave face" on and went for it.
The NP that did the procedure was amazing! I loved her right away! She talked me through the entire thing and was really sweet about it all. The first nurse held my hands and gave me little "pep talks" all the way through.
I'm not going to lie, it hurt like hell when they squirted the dye in! I got to watch it all on the monitor and when I wasn't writhing in pain, it was actually pretty cool! The right side did a stellar job--the ink went through the tube and it looked like a beautiful black swirl. The left side was the problem. They asked me to turn over, back and forth, a few times and just when I was about to yank the damn catheter out myself, she said, "There it goes!" It finally opened up and the ink went through.
The fun didn't actually happen, though, until after.
They brought K in and right at that moment the NP said, "Uh oh, she doesn't look too good--go get oxygen." I lay there for awhile and then tried to get up to go get dressed in the bathroom. K helped me inside and then VHOOOOOM the world fell out from under me and I nearly fainted. They put me on a gurney and wheeled me into a recovery room where I had to stay for an extra half hour.
Me, the Drama Queen.
As we were walking out of the hospital, my lovely wife whispers, "So how the hell are you going to make it through labor?!!!" Ha! Let me just get pregnant first and then we'll deal with that...
I survived the dreaded HSG test.... but barely.
This is the procedure they do when they shoot black dye through a catheter into your uterus, then continue to push it so that it goes all the way through your fallopian tubes. The point of it is to make sure there is no blockage so that you can ovulate and presumably conceive a baby.
I've been stressing this damn day for weeks. I had heard things like:
"The pain is worse than childbirth!"
"I cramped for days after"
"It was the worst thing I've ever been through"
Blah, blah, blah...
You can only imagine what kind of thoughts had been going through my head! So, I was as prepared as you can be going in. I started the prescribed antibiotics the night before, took 800 mg of Advil the morning of, and did tons of visualization and positive thinking all the way to the hospital.
When the nurse called us back (she was really nice, btw) she explained everything in detail. Then she informed us that spouses/partners weren't allowed in the room, but can come in immediately after. Obviously, we wondered why and she told us that they'd had too many spouses pass out and that "it's just protocol!" Ha! So, I put my "brave face" on and went for it.
The NP that did the procedure was amazing! I loved her right away! She talked me through the entire thing and was really sweet about it all. The first nurse held my hands and gave me little "pep talks" all the way through.
I'm not going to lie, it hurt like hell when they squirted the dye in! I got to watch it all on the monitor and when I wasn't writhing in pain, it was actually pretty cool! The right side did a stellar job--the ink went through the tube and it looked like a beautiful black swirl. The left side was the problem. They asked me to turn over, back and forth, a few times and just when I was about to yank the damn catheter out myself, she said, "There it goes!" It finally opened up and the ink went through.
The fun didn't actually happen, though, until after.
They brought K in and right at that moment the NP said, "Uh oh, she doesn't look too good--go get oxygen." I lay there for awhile and then tried to get up to go get dressed in the bathroom. K helped me inside and then VHOOOOOM the world fell out from under me and I nearly fainted. They put me on a gurney and wheeled me into a recovery room where I had to stay for an extra half hour.
Me, the Drama Queen.
As we were walking out of the hospital, my lovely wife whispers, "So how the hell are you going to make it through labor?!!!" Ha! Let me just get pregnant first and then we'll deal with that...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
A funny thing happened on the way to get pregnant
I can't tell you how many times I've had one of those out-of-body experiences during this whole TTC adventure. Where I step outside of my physical self and just try process it all. Last night was one of those moments...
I finally scored an ultrasound appointment for 10 o'clock last night. Having tried unsuccessfully to make the appointment on my lunch break, I ended up making the call while simultaneously dealing with 23 needy 2nd graders. I grabbed a pack of sticky notes and frantically scratched out the details from the nurse as I continued putting out miscellaneous "fires" in the classroom. The only thing I really thought about after the call was, Don't pee an hour before the procedure. Got it.
As we left for the appointment, I grabbed my notes and realized I was supposed to drink 32 ounces of clear liquid an hour and a half BEFORE we got to the hospital. Oops. I pounded as much water as I could on the way and then drank the rest of my tea in the waiting room.
A piece of advice: If your x-ray tech comes out wearing Disney scrubs, be afraid.
She was a large, gruff lady with absolutely NO bedside manner. She brought us into a dark examining room with country music blaring from some crappy radio. She asked me to lift my shirt, then squirted some gel on my stomach. After about two minutes of rubbing the little wand all over, she stopped and scolded me for not following directions. "You didn't have a full bladder so I couldn't get a good picture."
Shit.
She told me to go to the bathroom and empty my almost-empty bladder and come back for the vaginal ultrasound. Fun.
As she was exploring around in my uterus, taking pictures and whatnot, I almost got a terrible case of the church giggles. I'm lying there, feet in the stirrups, trying to go to a happy place when all of a sudden some country song comes on about this guy whose girlfriend "drinks whiskey and gets frisky!" I nearly lost it. K caught my eye and smiled and I had to look away and bite the insides of my cheeks. I knew if I started laughing, I wouldn't stop.
Well, I hope she got some good photos of the "gargantuan black hole" (a.k.a. ovarian cyst) so we can get past this. When it was over, she handed me a towel and said, "Have a good night and good luck." The moment she walked out of the room, K and I cracked up. The entire night was so bizarre, there was nothing else to do but laugh.
And since we have to take another month off and can't inseminate again (Grrrrrrrr...) I'm thinking I might as well get some whiskey and get frisky this weekend.
Cheers, bitches!
I finally scored an ultrasound appointment for 10 o'clock last night. Having tried unsuccessfully to make the appointment on my lunch break, I ended up making the call while simultaneously dealing with 23 needy 2nd graders. I grabbed a pack of sticky notes and frantically scratched out the details from the nurse as I continued putting out miscellaneous "fires" in the classroom. The only thing I really thought about after the call was, Don't pee an hour before the procedure. Got it.
As we left for the appointment, I grabbed my notes and realized I was supposed to drink 32 ounces of clear liquid an hour and a half BEFORE we got to the hospital. Oops. I pounded as much water as I could on the way and then drank the rest of my tea in the waiting room.
A piece of advice: If your x-ray tech comes out wearing Disney scrubs, be afraid.
She was a large, gruff lady with absolutely NO bedside manner. She brought us into a dark examining room with country music blaring from some crappy radio. She asked me to lift my shirt, then squirted some gel on my stomach. After about two minutes of rubbing the little wand all over, she stopped and scolded me for not following directions. "You didn't have a full bladder so I couldn't get a good picture."
Shit.
She told me to go to the bathroom and empty my almost-empty bladder and come back for the vaginal ultrasound. Fun.
As she was exploring around in my uterus, taking pictures and whatnot, I almost got a terrible case of the church giggles. I'm lying there, feet in the stirrups, trying to go to a happy place when all of a sudden some country song comes on about this guy whose girlfriend "drinks whiskey and gets frisky!" I nearly lost it. K caught my eye and smiled and I had to look away and bite the insides of my cheeks. I knew if I started laughing, I wouldn't stop.
Well, I hope she got some good photos of the "gargantuan black hole" (a.k.a. ovarian cyst) so we can get past this. When it was over, she handed me a towel and said, "Have a good night and good luck." The moment she walked out of the room, K and I cracked up. The entire night was so bizarre, there was nothing else to do but laugh.
And since we have to take another month off and can't inseminate again (Grrrrrrrr...) I'm thinking I might as well get some whiskey and get frisky this weekend.
Cheers, bitches!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
A Lovely Distraction
It's Superbowl Weekend!
K's 'rents showed up last night and we've been having a great time! We've pretty much eaten non-stop since they arrived. Funny how that's what you plan your days around when you have guests in town...
What shall we do for dinner? Yeah, Mexican take-out sounds perfect!
Anyone want another cookie for breakfast? Sure, if you're getting up
Should we split that brownie ala mode for dessert? Only if I can lick the caramel off the plate after
Well, if I can't get pregnant right now, I might as well start pretending I am. I guess that way I'll already know what it feels like to be a fat lady when the day comes. ;)
We're throwing a little shindig tomorrow to cheer on our Steelers. This will be our friend, Brett's 3rd (yes, 3rd!) time going to the Superbowl and we are all soooo stoked! It looks like we'll be entertaining about 12-15 people in our new little house. Hope no one minds cuddling.
K's 'rents showed up last night and we've been having a great time! We've pretty much eaten non-stop since they arrived. Funny how that's what you plan your days around when you have guests in town...
What shall we do for dinner? Yeah, Mexican take-out sounds perfect!
Anyone want another cookie for breakfast? Sure, if you're getting up
Should we split that brownie ala mode for dessert? Only if I can lick the caramel off the plate after
Well, if I can't get pregnant right now, I might as well start pretending I am. I guess that way I'll already know what it feels like to be a fat lady when the day comes. ;)
We're throwing a little shindig tomorrow to cheer on our Steelers. This will be our friend, Brett's 3rd (yes, 3rd!) time going to the Superbowl and we are all soooo stoked! It looks like we'll be entertaining about 12-15 people in our new little house. Hope no one minds cuddling.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Roadblock
I feel deflated.
Had a routine appointment this morning for an ultrasound so that we could move forward with medication. Unfortunately, the cyst on my left ovary that they found back in October was still there and we hit a bit of a brick wall. Apparently, you can't take any oral medication or do the injectibles if you have a cyst because it will make the cyst grow. Ugh.
He gave us 3 new options today...
1. Do nothing. Continue au naturale and hope and pray it works
2. Take birth control pills (Seriously??? I can't imagine the thought)
3. Surgery to remove the cyst
The doctor scheduled me for another ultrasound through the radiology department (there's are better, I guess??) and we will hopefully know more soon. If the cyst is just hanging out there doing what nice cysts do, then we'll just try to ignore it for now. But, if it looks like it might be harmful or hindering conception, I guess we'll have to make a decision about how to forge ahead.
At this point, I'm still hopeful, but feeling a bit knocked down. After having to take last month off because I missed my ovulation, I was really looking forward to making it happen this time with the help of some good drugs. I was sure, in my mind, that this would be IT!
*(big, dramatic sigh)*
Back to the drawing board, we go...
Had a routine appointment this morning for an ultrasound so that we could move forward with medication. Unfortunately, the cyst on my left ovary that they found back in October was still there and we hit a bit of a brick wall. Apparently, you can't take any oral medication or do the injectibles if you have a cyst because it will make the cyst grow. Ugh.
He gave us 3 new options today...
1. Do nothing. Continue au naturale and hope and pray it works
2. Take birth control pills (Seriously??? I can't imagine the thought)
3. Surgery to remove the cyst
The doctor scheduled me for another ultrasound through the radiology department (there's are better, I guess??) and we will hopefully know more soon. If the cyst is just hanging out there doing what nice cysts do, then we'll just try to ignore it for now. But, if it looks like it might be harmful or hindering conception, I guess we'll have to make a decision about how to forge ahead.
At this point, I'm still hopeful, but feeling a bit knocked down. After having to take last month off because I missed my ovulation, I was really looking forward to making it happen this time with the help of some good drugs. I was sure, in my mind, that this would be IT!
*(big, dramatic sigh)*
Back to the drawing board, we go...
Friday, January 21, 2011
A New Plan
I haven't felt much like blogging lately...
Every time I sit down to type I think, Blegh, I have nothing GOOD to report! But then I realized, it wouldn't be a true blog if I left the boring parts out.
So here's the latest:
We met with a new OB last week. After our traumatic first OB appointment, we figured ANYONE with a pulse would be a huge improvement. The doctor was nice, though not as thorough and informative as I had hoped. (I'm beginning to think maybe I just have unrealistically high expectations). He looked at my labs, listened to our story and answered questions.
Then he promptly recommended IVF.
This came as a bit of a shock to me. Yes, I realize I'm pushing the big 4-0 and sure, good eggs don't last forever, but IVF? WTF???
When we asked what would be his NEXT recommendation, he said I should start injectibles after my next period. Fine. Shoot me up, inject me, poke me in uncomfortable places--I will do this if it means I will have a better chance of getting pregnant. The bad news is that we have to sign up for a class with the nurse (Yes, it has to be her. No, you can't find it online) before we can start the injectibles. Their next class isn't offered until February 17th, so the doctor wants me to try Clomid (oral meds to help you produce more eggs) in the meantime. Hm....
On a sad note: We decided to one last "natural" IUI this month (our "hail mary" into the endzone before we succumb to hormones!), but I somehow missed my ovulation! Since I've been tracking my cycles, I have been right on the money! To the tee! I have predicted it perfectly every month. I woke up last Sunday, ready to pee on the stick, and I said to K, "I swear I think I already ovulated." It was only Day 12, but I just had this feeling. Sure enough, I tested the rest of the week and nothing. Grrr.... What pisses me off the most is that I'm trying to do everything I can NOT to get too obsessive and NOT to take it too far. That's why I didn't want to test too early!
Well, I believe everything happens for a reason so this must mean that my body wants the drugs.
Every time I sit down to type I think, Blegh, I have nothing GOOD to report! But then I realized, it wouldn't be a true blog if I left the boring parts out.
So here's the latest:
We met with a new OB last week. After our traumatic first OB appointment, we figured ANYONE with a pulse would be a huge improvement. The doctor was nice, though not as thorough and informative as I had hoped. (I'm beginning to think maybe I just have unrealistically high expectations). He looked at my labs, listened to our story and answered questions.
Then he promptly recommended IVF.
This came as a bit of a shock to me. Yes, I realize I'm pushing the big 4-0 and sure, good eggs don't last forever, but IVF? WTF???
When we asked what would be his NEXT recommendation, he said I should start injectibles after my next period. Fine. Shoot me up, inject me, poke me in uncomfortable places--I will do this if it means I will have a better chance of getting pregnant. The bad news is that we have to sign up for a class with the nurse (Yes, it has to be her. No, you can't find it online) before we can start the injectibles. Their next class isn't offered until February 17th, so the doctor wants me to try Clomid (oral meds to help you produce more eggs) in the meantime. Hm....
On a sad note: We decided to one last "natural" IUI this month (our "hail mary" into the endzone before we succumb to hormones!), but I somehow missed my ovulation! Since I've been tracking my cycles, I have been right on the money! To the tee! I have predicted it perfectly every month. I woke up last Sunday, ready to pee on the stick, and I said to K, "I swear I think I already ovulated." It was only Day 12, but I just had this feeling. Sure enough, I tested the rest of the week and nothing. Grrr.... What pisses me off the most is that I'm trying to do everything I can NOT to get too obsessive and NOT to take it too far. That's why I didn't want to test too early!
Well, I believe everything happens for a reason so this must mean that my body wants the drugs.
Friday, January 7, 2011
This just wasn't our month
Aunt Flo, bitch that she is, arrived two days early. Though I KNEW she'd come, I still had a meltdown and cried over it. I guess there must have been a teeny tiny part of me that hung on to some hope that I might be preggers. It happened right when I got to school Wednesday morning, so I didn't have a lot of time to sink into a depression over it. By the time the morning bell rang, I had pushed it to the back of my mind and moved on with my day.
Thank Gawd I have K. She is my rock. After I got home and grieved about it for awhile, she forced me to get out of the house. We explored a new gym and I got in a killer workout. Later she cooked me an amazing dinner and we started making plans for next month. We made an appointment with a new OB at the Fertility Clinic and even started looking at new donors. She reminded me that we did everything perfectly and that it just wasn't the right time.
When I spoke to Julie, she had this to say...
"Ya know, Case, you're like a really cool, mint-conditioned car. Problem is, you've been stored in a garage for nearly forty years and never been used! You're probably not going to start on the first try!!" Ha! Leave it to my little sister to put things in perspective for me.
Here's to next month!
Thank Gawd I have K. She is my rock. After I got home and grieved about it for awhile, she forced me to get out of the house. We explored a new gym and I got in a killer workout. Later she cooked me an amazing dinner and we started making plans for next month. We made an appointment with a new OB at the Fertility Clinic and even started looking at new donors. She reminded me that we did everything perfectly and that it just wasn't the right time.
When I spoke to Julie, she had this to say...
"Ya know, Case, you're like a really cool, mint-conditioned car. Problem is, you've been stored in a garage for nearly forty years and never been used! You're probably not going to start on the first try!!" Ha! Leave it to my little sister to put things in perspective for me.
Here's to next month!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I Got Nothin.
Well, I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.
I haven't had one single symptom. Not a cramp. No spotting. No bloating. No boob soreness. And I've been waking up craving my morning cup of coffee just like always.
Before you start to preach to me about "staying positive" and "not being so neurotic," you should know how unbelievably in-tune I am with my body. I'm that weirdo who can tell about 48 hours before I'm going to get a cold. I've also been predicting all the other changes in my body to the tee. I know exactly when I'm going to ovulate and can plan on when my period will arrive every month. And yeah, I know, there are those people out there who go to the doctor for an ingrown toenail and find out they're 3 months pregnant and they had "NO idea!!!"
But I know me. If I had a foreign substance growing in my body, I'd know it.
I woke up a bit grumpy about it this morning. Ugh. I just thought it'd be easier. But then I started thinking about all the other women out there who are going through this process. Many of them have been trying for months, even years, to conceive. Some have had major physical barriers to overcome and many more have suffered miscarriages.
So instead having my own personal pity party, I started thinking about how lucky I am. I'm healthy. I have a loving wife who builds me up and makes me a better person every day. I'm happy. I live in paradise. I'm surrounded by people who love and appreciate me. I enjoy getting up and going to work each day. On the whole, I'd say I've got it pretty good. And if this quest to make a baby proves to be more difficult than I originally thought, then bring it on! I'm prepared to put my heart and soul into this until it works.
I haven't had one single symptom. Not a cramp. No spotting. No bloating. No boob soreness. And I've been waking up craving my morning cup of coffee just like always.
Before you start to preach to me about "staying positive" and "not being so neurotic," you should know how unbelievably in-tune I am with my body. I'm that weirdo who can tell about 48 hours before I'm going to get a cold. I've also been predicting all the other changes in my body to the tee. I know exactly when I'm going to ovulate and can plan on when my period will arrive every month. And yeah, I know, there are those people out there who go to the doctor for an ingrown toenail and find out they're 3 months pregnant and they had "NO idea!!!"
But I know me. If I had a foreign substance growing in my body, I'd know it.
I woke up a bit grumpy about it this morning. Ugh. I just thought it'd be easier. But then I started thinking about all the other women out there who are going through this process. Many of them have been trying for months, even years, to conceive. Some have had major physical barriers to overcome and many more have suffered miscarriages.
So instead having my own personal pity party, I started thinking about how lucky I am. I'm healthy. I have a loving wife who builds me up and makes me a better person every day. I'm happy. I live in paradise. I'm surrounded by people who love and appreciate me. I enjoy getting up and going to work each day. On the whole, I'd say I've got it pretty good. And if this quest to make a baby proves to be more difficult than I originally thought, then bring it on! I'm prepared to put my heart and soul into this until it works.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Me? The DD???
Nearly two and a half decades of partying like a rockstar on New Year's Eve and last night was the first time I have ever been the designated driver! Weird.
Since I made the decision to have a baby, I've been working hard to prepare my body. I've been trying to eat healthy--adding in more organic and natural foods, take my vitamins, cut back on caffienated coffee, and curb the alcohol intake. Believe it or not, it hasn't been as tough as I imagined. I think the hardest part is seeing the disappointment on people's faces when I pass on the drinks. I've built up a pretty good reputation as the "Girl who's always up for a party" and when I turn down the alcohol I'm greeted with shock, disappointment and sadness. I get it. It was one of the worst things I had to deal with when all my friends started getting pregnant.
I guess I see it like this... I'm going to do my absolute best to get pregnant by my birthday next August. I'm viewing my body as my hypothetical baby's little house. And since I'm building it with older bricks and already-been-used cement, I need to do whatever I can to make it the best house. Sure, a little glass of wine or a beer during the game on Sunday probably wouldn't hurt, but I've got my eye on the prize right now and think I'll just stick with the sparkling water.
Since I made the decision to have a baby, I've been working hard to prepare my body. I've been trying to eat healthy--adding in more organic and natural foods, take my vitamins, cut back on caffienated coffee, and curb the alcohol intake. Believe it or not, it hasn't been as tough as I imagined. I think the hardest part is seeing the disappointment on people's faces when I pass on the drinks. I've built up a pretty good reputation as the "Girl who's always up for a party" and when I turn down the alcohol I'm greeted with shock, disappointment and sadness. I get it. It was one of the worst things I had to deal with when all my friends started getting pregnant.
I guess I see it like this... I'm going to do my absolute best to get pregnant by my birthday next August. I'm viewing my body as my hypothetical baby's little house. And since I'm building it with older bricks and already-been-used cement, I need to do whatever I can to make it the best house. Sure, a little glass of wine or a beer during the game on Sunday probably wouldn't hurt, but I've got my eye on the prize right now and think I'll just stick with the sparkling water.